I keep starting to type out my thoughts here and just keep finding myself deleting everything I write.
I wanted to write about mother’s yesterday, but again, nothing sounded right when it came out.
Maybe because its a complicated subject. It seems as if it should be simple enough, right?
We love our kids. We would do anything for them. Once you have them they change your life. You wouldn’t have it any other way.
But there is more. For me at least.
Can I be candid?
IT’S NOT AN EASY GIG. (and just as I am writing this, I have kids yelling at me for just..one..more..drink of water before bed.)
Motherhood is a sacrifice. It is an all out internal battle sometimes. Trying to not give up on who I am completely (my hopes and dreams), but wanting to do everything in my power to provide love and nurturing. Plus, at the end of the day, I realllly don’t want to raise crazy ass kids.
Honestly, I gave up on trying to be the perfect cookie cutter mother a while back. Nothing about who I am screams- come to my house and it will look perfect and my children will be on their best behavior 100% of the time, and on top of all that, I will have pot roast on the table at 5pm on the dot.
In fact, if you came to my house right now, the first thing you would see are a pair of socks by the door (oh how I loathe random socks laying around the house). Then you will find a diaper here or there that needs to be put in the trash. There are about 3 too many empty cups of water on the kitchen table. Empty bottles in my bedroom, a pile of laundry that needs to be done and a bowl of ice cream that is desperately calling my name.
Dinner wasn’t fancy tonight. It was a salad with some grilled chicken mixed in with it. But it was the same meal we had last night. And guess what? No fun drinks tonight. Hope you like water…cause we got lots of it.
It’s not how I dreamed I would be. Every girl, I would imagine, dreams of being a super mom. Every one else in the world works off of 24 hours in a day, yet- for me, that would just be far too many. I would get it done faster, better, more awesomer.
But, it didn’t turn out that way.
Yet, I am okay. I am me. I may not be a domestic goddess. I may not be able to play barbies for more then 10 minutes (and that is pushing it). I can’t always stop what I am doing to watch Tangled agaiiiinnnn or I don’t always have the patience to read all 20 books they picked out for me.
But I love my kids with vigor and a crazy intensity that drives me to work my tail off every single day. To be there, even if I am in tears because I am tired and just want to what I want to do. It’s an unconditional love that I never knew existed. It’s filled with loyalty. It’s driven by the knowledge that they are part of me. And I am part of them.
Yeah, it’s hard. But there is absolutely nothing more rewarding than to love your child with everything in your heart, and to be loved the same in return.
Cause even though they ask a million questions, they shower me with even more hugs, kisses and cuddles. And I love them deeply.
I hope this post isn’t seen as negative, but hopefully someone out there can relate. And know that they are not alone in just being okay with who you are. As a human being. As a mother.
And now…some of my favorite ‘grams (Instagram, if you will) of my favorite people on this entire planet.
Are you on the ‘grams too? Find me at becky_earl
Live better. Love more.