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I keep starting to type out my thoughts here and just keep finding myself deleting everything I write.
I wanted to write about mother’s yesterday, but again, nothing sounded right when it came out.
Maybe because its a complicated subject. It seems as if it should be simple enough, right?
We love our kids. We would do anything for them. Once you have them they change your life. You wouldn’t have it any other way.
But there is more. For me at least.
Can I be candid?
IT’S NOT AN EASY GIG. (and just as I am writing this, I have kids yelling at me for just..one..more..drink of water before bed.)
Motherhood is a sacrifice. It is an all out internal battle sometimes. Trying to not give up on who I am completely (my hopes and dreams), but wanting to do everything in my power to provide love and nurturing. Plus, at the end of the day, I realllly don’t want to raise crazy ass kids.
Honestly, I gave up on trying to be the perfect cookie cutter mother a while back. Nothing about who I am screams- come to my house and it will look perfect and my children will be on their best behavior 100% of the time, and on top of all that, I will have pot roast on the table at 5pm on the dot.
In fact, if you came to my house right now, the first thing you would see are a pair of socks by the door (oh how I loathe random socks laying around the house). Then you will find a diaper here or there that needs to be put in the trash. There are about 3 too many empty cups of water on the kitchen table. Empty bottles in my bedroom, a pile of laundry that needs to be done and a bowl of ice cream that is desperately calling my name.
Dinner wasn’t fancy tonight. It was a salad with some grilled chicken mixed in with it. But it was the same meal we had last night. And guess what? No fun drinks tonight. Hope you like water…cause we got lots of it.
It’s not how I dreamed I would be. Every girl, I would imagine, dreams of being a super mom. Every one else in the world works off of 24 hours in a day, yet- for me, that would just be far too many. I would get it done faster, better, more awesomer.
But, it didn’t turn out that way.
Yet, I am okay. I am me. I may not be a domestic goddess. I may not be able to play barbies for more then 10 minutes (and that is pushing it). I can’t always stop what I am doing to watch Tangled agaiiiinnnn or I don’t always have the patience to read all 20 books they picked out for me.
But I love my kids with vigor and a crazy intensity that drives me to work my tail off every single day. To be there, even if I am in tears because I am tired and just want to what I want to do. It’s an unconditional love that I never knew existed. It’s filled with loyalty. It’s driven by the knowledge that they are part of me. And I am part of them.
Yeah, it’s hard. But there is absolutely nothing more rewarding than to love your child with everything in your heart, and to be loved the same in return.
Cause even though they ask a million questions, they shower me with even more hugs, kisses and cuddles. And I love them deeply.
I hope this post isn’t seen as negative, but hopefully someone out there can relate. And know that they are not alone in just being okay with who you are. As a human being. As a mother.
And now…some of my favorite ‘grams (Instagram, if you will) of my favorite people on this entire planet.
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Are you on the ‘grams too? Find me at becky_earl
Live better. Love more.
♥ be
melissa zihlman - I posted something similar last week on my blog…that being supermom is overrated. It’s time for people to stop trying to measure up to the things they see on the Internet…we’re all in this, doing this job, because we adore our children and we want them to feel loved and wanted. Your children know that, I am sure, and you are blessed beyond measure, my friend.
Shannon Wilkinson - I love you. That’s all I could say but I will add that this might be one of the most honest and real posts about motherhood ever. It took me twelve years to have Olivia. Twelve years and 5 miscarriages followed by two more before Bella. And I am so far from the perfect mother I dreamed of being. I love my kids in a way I could never put into words but bedtime can’t come soon enough some days, dinner is sometimes Cheerios and dishes will often go more than one day without being loaded into the dishwasher. There are days when Liv tell me she needs underwear for the next day because she doesn’t have any in her drawer and rather than doing all of the laundry that needs to be done I will wash enough to get through another couple of days. And folding went out the door with Bella. Too many clothes and not enough hours in the day. And yet, I love it. Most of the time. Thanks for writing Becky. Because today I needed this. Today when ugly mom came out because I couldn’t listen to the whining for one more second. <3
ashley machado - Becky! I am going to call you Beck-Star! Why? Because you are star in my mommy world! You love your kids with such a passion and intensity and I love that about you! I feel and have felt these very same things! I too have decorated my house with empty bottles, oh…and the diapers….they are like centerpieces here (not really, but you get where I am going with that).
Being a mom is the toughest thing I have ever had to do and my son is my teacher. Our kids teach something each day and to top it off they love us just as much if not more then we love them. maybe…
Thank you for this post sweetie! I loved it and you! Cheers to being an awesome mom!
Mickisha - Such a beautiful and honest post! Thanks for putting into words exactly how I feel. It helps so much as Mothers to know we are not alone in our struggles and inadequacies. Your writing and your images capture emotions so perfectly. Thanks for sharing so much of yourself!
DITA - Oh, you are far from alone. I feel the same way though I do still TRY…and I realize that the TRYING is what me a great mom. I TRY because that’s who I AM but the courage to TRY clearly comes from my love and devotion to my children.
They have changed my life immeasurably. I still daydream of the days before them and the dreams I had for myself….but at the end of the day…dog tired after trying to do it all and feeling I’ve fallen short….I sneak close to their little (and now BIG) faces and I just smell them as they lie sleeping….and I smile myself to sleep at night.
Tomorrow is another day, Becky…another day to be YOU and to share these moments with those little stinkers that will never ever come again! Yep, I’m right there with ya.
DITA
Melissa Stottmann - I’m in tears. Such straight honest words that are so exactly me. <3 Much momma love <3
Lisa Linton - AMEN sista! At least you had the time to blog about it. Ask me when the last time I did an entry on my blog..humm let’s see about a zillion years ago! I have even forgot all that you taught me and have to be retaught again. Awe my old age is catching up with me! Each kid of mine has taken my brain cell and I have no boobs left..sucked every last bit out. I have nothing left! Motherhood is a love hate relationship. I guess someday we will remember these as the “good ol days”????? RIGHT!
Posy Quarterman - Thank you for sharing so candidly, Becky. I too wrote and deleted yesterday, something along the lines of “Mother’s Day is stupid!” but more to the point, I wanted to write about letting go of expectations. This whole gig, which I’ve only been in 4 1/2 years, has been all about learning to let go of what I think I want and just embracing what it is – even when it’s a 2 year old punching you in the face at 4:00 a.m. on your birthday. It is more than a full time job, it sucks beyond belief sometimes, and yet, we still love it. They own our hearts, and I am grateful for that. I appreciate your honesty here because it would be easy to believe it is all beautiful and graceful in your neck of the woods, just based on how incredibly stunning your images are. So thank you. And may the laundry fairies visit your home while you sleep tonight (right after they finish up here!). xo
Marta - Thank You for this post. That’s exactly what I wanted to tell baut being a mum. It’s not easy at all, even our kids r amazing and cute.
Greetings from Poland
xoxo
Nine - Simply the truth!
bonnie - thanks for being honest and sharing your feelings. i can relate so well to this. sometimes mothers day gets me a little down, as i see everyone FB posts about “wonderful” everything about being a mom is. but it IS hard. it is also wonderful also, but not many women are brave enough to talk about the hard. i love all the honesty in your photos as well. you are an inspiration, as a mom and as a photographer.
Stephanie - It’s funny and no coincidence, i feel, that I keep reading posts like this from other mothers. We are all struggling to keep it together on the inside and out. It’s like all emotions are coming to a boiling point, spilling out onto the proverbial stove, and out into the universe for us all to share and know we are not alone…..I have been wanting to express the same feelings on my blog and luckily for me, just writing this for you, I have my first paragraph. You are doing it beautiful Becky! xoxo
Wyndee - Becky~You are such a wonderful role model. And so honest. You have described the current state of my house in your post. I’ve always looked up to you. Thank you for having the guts to put your life out there for us to read and be uplifted by.
Anna - I absolutely love and agree with this post.
Also, seriously how many questions can a three year old ask??????
leslie - l love this post because its the honest truth! this is my life as well. I threw out being the “perfect” mom, whatever that means out the window into a dumpster a long time ago as well. Since then I have been a happier mommy.
thank you for writing this and all of your amazing work.
leslie:)
Heather Hamilton - Loved reading this. I can totally relate! Your honesty is refreshing!
Lana - You’ve shared my sentiments exactly…. and I can’t play Barbies for longer than 5 minutes
heidi - I can so relate!!!
Amanda Keeys - Oh honey. A huge resounding & short and sweet ME TOO. Except, I don’t feel “ok” with being the Mama I’ve become. Or well, sometimes I do. But mostly I don’t. :/
jude - bless you. thank you for your honestly. i’m so glad that i am not the only mother that finds it hard to play barbie dolls. lol and i really wish i could banish socks forever. life is not perfect, but you love them perfectly and that is what really matters. <3
Janica Ellsworth - I’ve blog stalked you for a year now
But never commented. You said EXACTLY what I’ve been wanting to write out on my own blog forever now, but I’m not so great with words. This post, this is perfectly put. Thank you for your beautiful-ness in speaking, posting, and capturing. You’re inspiring. Truly inspiring.