it really is an art, you know?!
And I, my friends, am the master.
We have a few versions of fake sleeping in our house.
#1- When everyone is in the same room except one person, we all act asleep until they come in. Snores are extremely exaggerated and smiles can’t help but find their way on our faces. Once they enter and have sat there for a minute or two (more like 30 seconds), we all wake up in
genuine surprise one by one and again, exaggerate our stretches and yawns. Notes: Everything is exaggerated. Especially the laughing after we all “wake up”
#2- Jessie, aka funny girl, will sometimes fake being asleep in the car. Suspiciously, just as we are arriving home. I’m *almost* certain it’s in hopes that she will get carried from the car to the house.How do we know when she is faking and when she isn’t? Take a look at Exhibit A- Picture at the top.
#3- The last one is all me, folks. Listen carefully. Take notes if needed. Ready? There are a few key things to remember when faking sleep. Breathing, partial face coverage and “The Pucker”.
Pretty much every morning and sometimes throughout the day, you will find me in this practice. Okay, being pregnant I mostly really am asleep, but sometimes, momma just needs a break. If the kids see you are any bit awake- you are DOOMED. My only hope is “sleep”.
Okay, so first, you have to practice your breathing. It has to be deep and it has to be steady. It can’t be any sorts of too heavy. Don’t fake snore. Just calm and steady. Calm and steady!! Got it?
Secondly, this part is major important for me because I can’t keep a straight face for the life of me. Seriously, don’t ever have me be part of some big joke or secret because, that darn smile always sneaks on there. I have to have part of my face covered. Unfortunately, I can’t do full coverage. It freaks me out. I feel like I can’t breath and then I start breathing fast and hard and well, step #1- Breathing- is out the window. So either by an arm, pillow, sheet, hand, etc. will do. Most of my mouth and part of my eyes are covered. I have to hide the rapid blinking of my eyes somehow. I just can’t master that yet. I have NO idea how actors do it? What the heck? Practice, practice, practice…
Lastly, “The Pucker.” You know what I am talking about. When you wake up (for reals) and you have pucker face. Your lips poke out like you just had somethin injected into them? Now, don’t pucker too much! We aren’t talking duck face here!It’s just a quick nap people, it has to be realistic!Just a slight push will do. Even if you can’t get it right the first time, it’s okay because well, see #2.
That’s it. Yes, I have perfected almost all of it. Don’t ask Justin, aka the hubbs. He will tell you I am always faking, but that’s just cause he can’t fake like I can. Why am I proud of this and why does that just sound inappropriate? I don’t know.
But this. This is my view when I finally open my eyes to see the little lovelies who have been poking at me and giving me morning cuddles. They are a bit blurry at first. (mostly because my arm has been resting on my eyes (from step #2) and I really can’t see straight)I can just barely make out their beautiful faces and sweet smiles.
But once it’s all clear again, I remember why I love them so much and why I am so happy to be awake…with them.
Okay, so this is all in fun and I DO take care of my kids and am not “sleeping” all day. But the hubbs is home this summer and I- well I am taking advantage of it
Now get to practicing!
Thanks for looking!